My Achin' Yanks

May 20, 2006

It seems like my Yankees are dropping like flies. (Non baseball fans please forgive me but I must blog on this!)

Back pains, hamstring strains, sore this, ruptured that - it's like a plague upon the house that Ruth built.

Someone get some lambs blood quick!

But that's too gross a solution (mind the pun). Besides, do you know how many lambs you'd have to sacrifice to smear it over every gate opening at Yankee Stadium?

I've got a better idea.

Slow Burn and some good old fashioned low back strengthening.

I wrote a letter to the Yankees way back when Don Mattingly Donnybaseball played in the 90's and was suffering from debilitating back pain - pain which eventually ended his amazing career just a year shy of winning a championship ring.

So sad because Donny Baseball deserved to win one as a player.

The letter explained how lumbar strengthening could cure Donny's back pain and that the machine required to do the job (along with my help gratis) was easy to get and cost a mere 4K - the price of about 6 or 7 beers at the stadium.

Of course, my letter fell on deaf ears. I mean, who the heck is Fred Hahn to tell us, the Yankees, we need to strengthen our players using Slow Burn, quit stretching them like silly putty, halt all sport specific drills (the very sort that injure them on the field for crying out loud) and purchase a good lower back machine.

The gall of them to ignore me!

But, had they listened to little old me, I am absolutely certain Don Mattingly would have played a few more years and won that ring as a player.

If they would listen to me now, they would not be suffering from the injuries they are plagued with today - save for the ones that occur regardless of how strong you are like broken wrists (poor Matsui yeeouch!)


and torn rotator cuffs Torncuff from throwing baseballs faster than a cheetah can run.

Any ideas on how I could get them to hear me are welcomed with open ears!

And thank you all for allowing me to blog-beat my chest a bit on this issue this fine morning.